To Be a Slytherin
by Ariel Lovegood
Summary: In practice, the only requirement for being a Slytherin is be mean. I, Rachel Greengrass of Slytherin, think this is unfair. As you'll see in my story, I've only ever beaten a few people to a pulp, and honestly, they deserved it.
1. Chapter 1

_"_Rachel Greengrass!" The woman with the sharp voice seemed to hurry me to the stool with her words. Smirking, I took my sweet time, looking around at my fellow first years. I wanted to blurt out, "There's no reason for looking so awkward. We're going to get pushed around anyway, so we might as well enjoy ourselves," but now wasn't the time for speeches. No one actually cared about my sorting. It was all down to the precious Harry Potter's selection. That's when the applause would actually occur.

I could feel the much-too-large hat sifting through my memories, and I suddenly felt incredibly uncomfortable. I'd always laughed at those who were worried about sitting in front of the school to be sorted; it's not like they're deciding your life or anything. But it did feel like everything I'd ever felt was about to be exposed to the world, and I found myself squirming uncomfortably. As if to make for maximum awkwardness, the thing inside my head started a conversation.

_Hmm...you are a tricky one. Strong mind, strong drive. I could easily put you in Ravenclaw you know._

"Ravenclaw?" I thought, almost out loud. "Seriously, that's the best you've got, old hat? I can read and I don't make stupid choices, if that's why you think I fit there."

_Strong attitude too. Can't say I approve. But that kind of strength is common in those under Gryffindor and Slytherin. Your ambition would disappear without your shocking courage._

"No duh. That's true of anyone, stupid hat. Just choose already, no one wants to see me up here all night." The hat paused for awhile. I think I may have made it speechless. Or more accurately, PO. It decided to yell "Slytherin!" more angrily than I thought appropriate. I guess cockiness equates to ambition or resourcefulness? It all made no sense to me. But oh well, I'd gotten where I was supposed to be. No worries about my cousins beating me up now. Or, more accurately, no worries about them beating me up for good reason.

"Welcome to Slytherin," a tall, dark boy say as he punched me on the arm. It was rather hard in my opinion, and I made a mental note to build muscle strength as I smiled and sat down. I had a feeling that they were gaping at me for sitting near the upperclassmen, but my confidence and silence had put them off. Another mental note: these boys won't stand in my way if I can surprise them enough. Upperclassmen can be stepping stones too, apparently.

"Hey," some dark-skinned girl my age mumbled. "There's no room down by the first years. Can I sit by you?"

"Scoot shrimp," the tall boy who had addressed me snapped. "We don't take Hufflepuffs at this table." The girl gasped a little. She looked really pathetic, and honestly, I wasn't sure how she got into Slytherin either. That didn't stop me from being pissed at the hypocrisy.

"Oi," I replied, "did you miss the sorting ceremony because you were too busy dreaming of your food? First years can be sorted into _all four houses_, you dumbo. If you want to kick her out of this spot, you'll have to kick me out too. Or are you too scared to fight in front of the teachers?" I could see the blood rising in his face, and I wasn't even trying to make him mad. It was glorious. One of his friends who had watched the commotion was sniggering, and I knew that I wasn't in any danger. I had just owned an upperclassman who couldn't come up with a good comeback to save his life in front of his friends. And at least one of them was on my side.

The girl smiled and sat by me. "Thanks. I'm Brie, by the way. Short for Bridgette."

"Rachel," I replied much louder, smiling broadly. I was completely boggled by her quiet voice. She looked warily at the boys around us. I laughed a little and muttered to her, "Don't mind them. Between you and me, they don't have the balls to do anything to us. Not out in the open. And even if they did, I could take 'em." Brie seemed suddenly more wary of me. I must have said something weird.

"Hey, Rachel. Nice to meet you," she said, too slowly for me to fully believe her second statement. _Oh no, I musta really messed things up. And I don't even know how!_

"Yeah, it's cool to finally make friends. My cousins made me sit with them the whole train ride." I indicated with a twitch of my head two red-headed female versions of Popeye. Brie seemed even more disturbed by them, and that cheered me up. "Yup, they're kinda more scary than anyone on this planet. I always knew there was a monster in my room when we had sleepovers." Brie giggled at this, and I heaved a sigh of relief. Maybe I could get her to like me after all. "You've got to learn how to defend yourself when they're your closest relatives, you know? It's why I don't take crap from anyone anymore. So don't worry, when I said I could take 'em," I indicated back to the boys from before, "I wasn't just being cocky." Once again Brie seemed a tad put off. I felt I had earned her trust, though, so I decided to ask her about it. "I said something crude, didn't I? Haha, my parents always tell me I don't really understand what I'm saying half the time. So don't worry, I'm not going to take offense to you telling me that too."

"Oh...it's just...I'm not used to hearing that kind of language." Now I was really confused.

"But...I didn't swear. Did I?" I thought back through everything I said. "Nope. No curse words."

"What about..."—her voice turned into a whisper—"balls?" I had to stop myself from bursting out laughing. She saw how I was smiling a bit too much, and her face got stony. "What? Decency is funny to you?"

"No, no, I'm not trying to be so mean, I promise. I'm sorry. It's just...I have honestly never met a single person who would take offense to me saying "balls" or anything of the like. It's so weird to me."

Before she could respond, we heard a familiar drawl. Sure enough, the upperclassmen girls were just as keen to drool on the young, blonde, rich Malfoy as the first-years. He was pretty hot, I'll give him that. I suppose I wouldn't mind being pressed up as close to him as his clique tried to be. But I wouldn't be caught dead that close to anyone _drooling_. No one else is so awesome that I could even imagine making myself that easy for them to control.

Brie, on the other hand, seemed very eager to join the clique, and was doing an awful job of concealing it. I rolled my eyes. My new friend reminded me a lot of my pathetic sister. Hopefully there'll be at least one other girl in my year who realizes there are better things out there than rich white boys. As if to confirm my annoyance, Brie whispered in my ear, "Look out, you might be blinded by sexiness if you stare at Draco for too long."

"Draco?" Brie turned back to me, disconcerted by my unhid disgust. "Doesn't that just sound like his parents were raising him to be creepy? I mean, I suppose it's better than 'Scorpius' or something like that, but still. I am Draaaaco," I said in a mock dramatic voice. "I will eaaaat your children."

"Stop it," Brie said, but with a small smile on her voice. I could tell she was enjoying it. Another girl with dark hair and makeup certainly wasn't though.

"Will you shut up?" she yelled from across the table. "Some of us have better things to do than mock people we don't even know. Like eat."

"And some of us have better things to do than be annoying fangirls," I muttered in a voice just loud enough for Brie to hear. To my delight she giggled with me. The gothic-looking girl pursed her lips and continued with her meal. She acted extremely serious now, but I'd seen her fawning over the Malfoy boy like the rest of them, and she'd looked like a clown. I turned to Brie and gave her a look that said "What's her deal?"

"That's Pansy Parkinson. I heard her boasting on the train. She told the dullest stories. I'd feel bad for Draco if he fell for her..."

"If he goes for an idiot like her, I will personally punch him in the nose. For you, of course. I have no real interest in him myself." She looked a tad hurt at this, perhaps remembering my comment from earlier. "He's totally hot, don't get me wrong. But not worth fighting through those banshees." She snorted at this, and I grinned wide. She blushed at herself, but I was excited. "Girls who snort are the coolest, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise, Brie. We're going to be awesome friends. But by Merlin, I'm starving. Let's eat before they herd us away. Like pigs." I snorted back to her, and she started grinning as well.

It was a pretty good meal. My muggle dad did most of the cooking for me at home, so I wasn't entirely sure what to choose. Brie helped me out. She seemed happy that I was a halfblood, which seemed weird to me. I didn't know her last name, but weren't Slytherins supposed to be proud of pureblood origins only? I assumed she was at least a halfblood, because she knew so much about the cuisine and magic itself. I was fascinated by her stories, and I made sure to let her know so she wouldn't get all quiet on me like before. They weren't "Pansy tales" as we deemed them, snorting together, and clearly bothering the upperclassman around us.

Obviously it had to be while we were snorting that Draco Malfoy decided to prance over and introduce himself. "I'm sure you know me, but I'd like to get to know you girls a little better." Brie stopped and blushed mid-snort. I decided to be kind and spare her the awkwardness of answering right after that embarrassing scene.

"I'm Rachel. Is it...Drago, right?"

"Draco," he replied, a bit put off. "But that's alright. Who's your pretty little friend?" I didn't realize it was possible for her to blush any harder until then. Still, she needed to speak for herself.

After a few seconds, she mumbled, "Oh...you mean me? Pretty?...I mean Brie! Brie, yeah. Hi Draco. I'm really happy to be in Slytherin with you." She looked away quickly and started playing with her fork after saying this, clearly worried she'd said too much.

Draco didn't seem to notice the implications of her statement, smirking as he replied, "You should be. Slytherin is the only real house here. Free of Mudblood scum. And we're going to prove that it's awesome even outside of that this year. Hope you guys share those goals."

Brie suddenly looked sickly, and I laughed to myself about how odd puppy love was. I considered the best response to get Draco to leave us alone before responding, "Of course. We'll work for the sake of the noble house. Just...after we finish eating." I said this with a smile that made Draco smirk.

"I think I'm gonna like you, Rachel." With that, he walked off (though it seemed like more of a strut) to meet and greet all the other Slytherin people who happened to realize there were more interesting things to do than crowd around a rich boy. Sadly, there weren't many. With a sigh, I finished my dinner. It wasn't long before Brie and I were led to the Slytherin Dormitory. It took all of my willpower not to actually curse when I realized we'd be rooming with Parkinson. I sincerely hoped the other Slytherin girls were friendly, or at least witty. Otherwise I might just beg to change houses. _Remember how you said I fit in anywhere, Mr. Hat? Well, I'd like to take you up on that offer. Anywhere but Hufflepuff, please. And not here. I can't bear the stupidity of these people. _I realized how ridiculous that would sound, and laughed at myself out loud. So many people looked back at me that I actually blushed. Brie barely stifled a laugh.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters or setting of this story. The only characters that are mine are Rachel, Brie, and Roy, and maybe a few I add in later. I would have included this in the first chapter, but I forgot. Don't kill me!

"Hey, stupid, whaddidya do with my curler?"

"Has anyone seen Freddie? Dumb toad I swear I'm gonna..."

"OI! The curtain's drawn for a reason, creep!"

"Did you see Draco last night? He was totally staring at me..."

"He was staring at everyone, genius."

"Nu-uh, you can't stare at EVERYONE. It was this hairdo I found, it always makes guys crazy and it especially looks good with these..."

"Do you think this makes my butt look big enough? I'm trying to look like this one chick I saw on..."

"Ok, who the hell stole my robes? I will find you and shove my wand—"

"TOOTHPASTE ON YOUR FACE!"

Public bathrooms. Seriously. Why do they exist? I tried my hardest to brush my teeth without being bumped into and choking on the brush. Or, more likely, turning around and punching the brains out of every girl in this stall. Including Brie if she happened to be saying anything. Not the best way to start the first morning of the school year. Aw, I almost got sentimental with that thought, how I would look back on it in Seventh year...then a toad jumped on my hair. And either they get really warm suddenly, or I got peed on. Lovely.

Before I got myself expelled for underage use of the Unforgivable Curses in the hallways, I left for the Slytherin Common Room, toad pee and all. I sincerely doubted anyone else could be done in the bathrooms with that kind of crowding. And my dark hair wasn't going to stain easily, anyway. One of the upperclassmen had decided to steal a few books from the library, and they laid in a heap on the table. From what I could hear before trudging to bed, it was just to annoy the librarian, so they'd be gone soon. I looked through and finally found one that seemed interesting: "The Thestral Watcher." Just as I snuggled onto the main couch to read, I heard a loud yawn and heavy footsteps.

Instead of using my minimal morning brainpower to acknowledge the person, I buried my head in the book and tried to read. I got through the first paragraph before the feeling I was being watched really started to tick me off. I closed the book abruptly, stared straight into the eyes of my watcher and let out an icy "Yes?" I realized the boy was much older than me, but unlike the upperclassmen at the dinner table, he didn't seem intimidated by me.

"Haven't seen you around here, bright-eyes. Lemme guess...first-year?" For the second time in my life, I found myself blushing furiously. And all he'd done was comment on my eyes. I knew I was walking into his trap, but the urge to snap back at him was stronger than my pride.

"Yeah, I'm a first year. Does that make you a pedo for stalking me?" Rather than answer my question he kept staring at me. I'd forgotten just how creepy the techniques I used on others were. After what seemed like hours, but was probably about fifteen seconds, of awkward silence, I began to wish he'd say anything. It was agony keeping up my stubborn glare against someone who seemed to be immune.

"You know what we call first-years around here? Fresh meat. I've been hearing a lot of stories about you. Take it from me: you'd do well to watch your tongue." Okay, now I wish I could renounce my previous wish. Geez, these people aren't exactly friendly.

"I'm sure my tongue will work without my supervision," I remarked nonchalantly as I pretended to go back to reading. My head was spinning too much to comprehend the words. I liked the pictures, though. Couldn't see a thing except the forest, which made them infinitely better than any other animal out there.

"That's exactly what will get you into trouble, Greengrass." I winced. Left that one right open. Shoot me now. Or better yet, let him comment on my hair. I might just melt. "When they come to collect your dead body, don't say Roy didn't warn you," he said as he walked off.

"I'm sure in my death I'll have better things to say. But thank you for your concern, Roy." Well, at least I had made a fool of myself in front of a jerk, and not someone important. Though I hadn't seen any boys that had really impressed me yet. Maybe when we get to the brawling, things will change. I decided I'd probably be late for classes if I didn't go back to brave the showers again. _Note: Wake up early! _Uggh. This year was going to suck.

I didn't have time to wash my hair in the maze of annoying people in the bathroom. I was above letting this on, though. No one was going to see it...probably. It was more just gross. And I refuse to let gross things bother me. Even sickening, slimy, fresh, smelly toad pee that I could wash off...tonight. Nothing to bother me. Not in the slightest.

By the time classes were over, I was starting to wonder what all the hype was about Hogwarts. Sure, eventually, I might learn some cool spells that would be useful. But I could do that on my own with books, and not have to listen to some midget teacher ramble about the intricacies of the wand motion and blah blah blah. It wasn't even worth it for the people. Everyone from the other houses seemed too happy, and the Slytherins seemed just...boring. They would go on about how awesome they were in these long, dull conversations that didn't seem to prove anything, except that they were good at talking. Not so good at conversation, mind you. But if we were judging by length over quality...

That's when the idea hit me. I knew exactly what I had to do to make Slytherin House better this year, and far more interesting. No one would listen to me if I proposed it, though. Even Draco probably couldn't convince the older students, for he was attractive and rich, but still...what was it? "Fresh meat." The upperclassmen were so easy to manipulate, though. Tonight I'd light the spark. Tomorrow, there'd be fireworks.


End file.
